The Four Chambers of Xiao-tep -- The Fourth Chamber

"To Break Sorrow"

I was born without a fourth chamber. I have no right ventricle. No matter how I try to escape it, this is who I am.

Make no mistake: no matter how much I may have been shipped from the factory as damaged goods, my heart fills with love all the same. Where there is nothingness exists love for what I do, for what I write, for Xiao-tep and Comet Fox and Stavros and Led and every character I right. They are, after all, most times inspired by some person I've known, some incident I've witnessed.

Xiao-tep will enter a chamber of nothingness soon. A chamber he must fill. And he intends to fill it with love for the world.

This will be Xiao-tep's last, greatest struggle. I can only hope I do justice by him.

Next week will see me posting Act I of "Broken Sorrows"... the beginning of the new The Children of Gods novel! :)

"Father can you hear me?
How have I let you down?
I curse the day that I was born
And all the sorrow in this world"
~ Bad Religion, "Sorrow"

The Four Chambers of Xiao-tep -- The Third Chamber

"The Sorrows of Young Stavros"

Xiao-tep and Stavros will become intimate friends in the forthcoming novel as they struggle with similar moral implications. Xiao-tep will have killed once more by the time Stavros and he are together and renounced battle altogether.

"I would help you if I could," says Xiao-tep, "but I fear my aiding you will lead me into battle and that is a country I no longer wish to reside in."

Stavros will bow his head, somewhat shamefully but ever thoughtfully.

"The battle will come and the blood to be let loose I fear shall drown the world," Stavros will say. "I am with you, friend Xiao-tep, in your lamentation for what is to come. I fear the sorrows filling the world, drowning out the cries of love and devotion. I fear the world will choke on its own fluids and the hatred that has been released by our old ally, Zom Loa. I feel your concern in taking life. I've thought on the matter at length, perhaps not as you have, but I have given it thought all the same. And the conclusion I come to is always the same: If our enemy is not put down the world will continue to suffer until all is destroyed the the very walls of Heaven shake with fear. In this I have made my decision to fight. I must fight. I must. I can do nothing else. I am no god that can bring light and love to the world. I am a mere rat."

At this Stavros will look to Xiao-tep and ask, "What say you of me?"

And Xiao-tep will take great care to shape his thoughts into words. "Though I am a god, I know not the destinies laid out before others by The Cosmos more than I know my own. If I am to judge you or any other, I would do so based upon your actions and the will of your heart. And though I may never again raise a blade or my voice against another, perhaps The Cosmos would have you do otherwise.

"I ask you, should you go to fight, would you think it the most righteous thing for you to do?"

Stavros will nod and promptly answer, "It would."

"Then it is what you must do, for it is likely your destiny to be the meter of justice in the world. I cannot tell you.

"But as for me, worry not, Stavros the Red. For you have proven yourself a creature of decency and truly a fine friend. It has been my honor to know you in my lifetime."

And Stavros will smile.

"As Slowly the Petals Fall" Chamber Two of The Four Chambers of Xiao-tep

I've had quite the difficult time with doctors as of late. My thoughts
are disjointed tonight. I can't think clearly enough for prose, yet
felt the need to write. As a result, I sat down and wrote a 4-page poem
in my journal. It's been a while since I've written any poetry. I
present it here to you now as Chapter Two of "The Four Chambers of
Xiao-tep". It has a similar vibe as some of the matters Xiao-tep will
be dealing with in the forthcoming novel.

Enjoy.

"As Slowly the Petals Fall"
(c) 2009 by Charles Shaver. All rights reserved.

Doors closed on him
Windows shut
The world closed in on him
Fire burned his belly
Viscous gel filled his lungs
He was nothing
No more
Yet everything to
Everyone
Death closed in on him
A flower at the precipice
Of blooming
Bloomed
Fading now
Dying
Never so close to death
Never so alive
Until heat subsides
His belly quelled
Windows open
Doors flung wide
Perception expanded into brilliant white light
Until all can be seen
All appears as one
At once
And he, everything
The machine slowed
Needles slipped out
With a pat on his back sent
On his way
Walking through shadows
Of valleys
Of death
Alive, but not
Abnormal, but not
Unwanted, but not
Wanting the sun to caress his face
To chase smiles
With friends
Loved ones
True families
Across fields
Plains
To enjoy clouds
Floating
Behind kites
In the
Sky
But no sky exists
Stolen
It's a picture in books
A picture through panes
A myth in tales
No sun will touch him
No rain will come through
Fluorescent cages
He knows best
The machines
Of war
Of madness
Of medicine
Of Man
Machines
Living inside
Machines
And he
Living inside
Them
How long?
Not long
For the arms of
Love
And the rays of
The sun
Bend
Towards his heart
How long?
Forever
If only one would let
Loose his voice
Unshackle the machines
Let sun and life and kites
In
But for how long?
Not nearly long enough
For the hug of a friend
The kiss of a girl
The gentle touch of a loved one
As petals of a bloom
As the sun of the sky
Will fade from its golden glory
All he can hope
All he can wish
All he can pray for
As he walks through shadows
Of valleys
Of hospital halls
Is that he has loved them all enough
He has loved the world to his fullest breadth
He has loved
And he has loved
But is it enough?
Lobby now, waiting
Wall clock, ticking
Woman nearby, puking
His life
And he wonders
Is it enough?
As slowly the petals fall

The Four Chambers of Xiao-tep -- The First Chamber

I've been meditating upon a lot of things lately. Counted amongst those things is the next Xiao-tep tale. As I've said elsewhere, this is be the final The Children of Gods novel wherein Xiao-tep will be featured as a prominent character. He will evolve quite a bit, starting fairly early on in the novel. There have always been hints of Morihei Ueshiba-sensei within Xiao-tep and that should become immensely clear within this forthcoming novel. For those not in the know, Morihei Ueshiba was a master martial artist and founder of Aikido. It is said he had a moment of discovery and enlightenment one day wherein he came to understand that martial arts is not about fighting, but mastery of self so one may become centered and, ultimately, learn to love the world.

I would not compare myself to such an exalted sensei as Morihei Ueshiba, but my meditations have been similarly inclined as his thoughts.

I've made quite a few good friends in a very short period of time lately. Each has come forward to express care, concern and friendship to me in intimate ways -- from saying they don't want to ever lose me to simply hugging me whenever they've seen me. It's a beautiful thing to have friends.

I'll also be in California in just about 28 weeks. I'll see some friends I've not seen in 4 years; some I've not seen in 7 years; and a couple I've not seen in something like 14 years. I'm looking forward to seeing them all, to checking in with them in person, to sharing time and smiles together, to telling them I love them.

I've found my center recently in the simple statement I made within the personal essay titled "I Am My Pen". Now my task in life is shifting towards simply loving the world.

Xiao-tep will soon do the same.